Dear Reader,

I’m not really very good at looking after myself. Once again, I have run out of medication, now this might not sound like a big deal, but I haven’t taken an antidepressant for about 4 days now so I guess they are starting to leave my system. I won’t take another until next Thursday after I have visited my doctor. I honestly find it quite hard to write when I haven’t taken my pills. It’s strange, I’m not the most motivated person and without fluoxetine in my system I am even less motivated.

It’s hard, because I love writing and I have really enjoyed the last few weeks of expressing myself through writing but today I am struggling to say anything.

My problem is that I only get 1 month of pills at a time. This is hard because I work irregular hours and I have to arrange my appointments around that, but my biggest problem is I am absolutely crap at calling the doctors to make an appointment. I rang them today, I could have rang a week ago, two weeks ago. I should have because now I’m in medication limbo and it’s really not good for me mentally or physically.

Thinking about it, I’m really not coping very well at the moment, Yesterday I sat on the floor at work, during my lunch with my hood up and my headphones on my head and rocked backwards and forwards for 40 minutes. Unsurprisingly nobody thought this was weird. Everyone thinks I’m pretty odd anyway, so they probably just thought this was “normal” for me. For the record, I don’t regularly sit on the floor and rock backwards and forwards.

Whilst I’m not embarrassed to say I have an autism spectrum disorder, it does piss me off when I display typical autistic behaviour, mostly because I don’t think it’s that obvious that I’m on the spectrum. But, when I get severely depressed I do tend to repeat actions, such as rocking, or tapping my foot, or drumming my fingers. I can’t help it, I guess I am used to suppressing some of my more autistic traits, but sometimes my brain can’t conceal them anymore and they just happen.

To re-motivate myself, I bought a new notebook, I’m not sure it will help but I have always been happier planning things physically and then writing them digitally. I also plan to be more proactive in making doctors appointments for not just my sake, but the sanity of everyone around me.

As Always,

The Elephant in the Room

13 thoughts on “Medicated

  1. Thank you for sharing. I am on medication because of my squizophrenia, and I think talking about the struggle of not taking them (or any kind of medication for mental illness) is very important.


    • Thank you for reading! I agree. It’s a difficult situation that is hard to understand for people who have never experienced any mental illness 🙂


  2. Thanks for following my Asperger blog; we each experience this type of disorder differently and it’s important to find out what really works for you. Medication CAN be of significant help, but taking, then not taking it, can really mess up how well it works. I learned this the hard way – depression is treatable. But, not all drugs work the same in all people. If what you’re taking isn’t working, tell your doctor.

    Liked by 1 person

    • You bet! I loathe going to the doctor. I’m always anxious when I go and it never changes. That’s what Asperger’s is – some aspects of our behavior just can’t be changed. But, some things you have to do, and one is taking care of yourself. No matter how anxious you are, you need to be honest with your doctor, so he/she will understand what you need. Maybe your anxiety needs treated first. That’s my number one problem, and I take medication daily – it’s so nice to be more calm. It took me years to accept that I needed medication – I thought that it meant I was weak, but that’s silly. You would take medication for any other discomfort or pain, and pain is what anxiety is.

      Liked by 1 person

      • That’s so true! I really should talk to my doctor better my problem is I see a different doctor every time as my surgery is a teaching surgery. Maybe I should pick a doctor and see that one each time. Maybe the change is making me worried. Thank you.


  3. Hi, I just happened to stumble across this so I’m not sure how old this is, but I ran out of my meds 4 days ago and won’t get anymore until Thursday- like you I get 1 month at a time, which sucks because it is impossible to get an Appt with a doctor where I am, I think I’d stand a better chance of kissing the pope!

    I’m really glad you wrote this post, it’s something I don’t think people would think about, in four days I’ve become a total insomniac again and trying to blog and enjoy writing when I’m so tired is a real task. Well done you!! 🙂


    • Thank you for reading! It’s horrible getting medication so regularly, it’s hard to keep up with appointments. I understand the insomnia! I’m still suffering with that as I can only take my sleeping pills occasionally. I hope things get easier for you 🙂


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