Currently I am lying on the floor at work, something that has become far too regular an occurrence. In all honesty, I’m a little worse for wear, I’m feeling slightly sedated and I still have 4 hours of work to go. Right now I am on my break.
Generally, I l arrive at work over an hour early, most people probably think I’m crazy but there are reasons for this. Firstly, I don’t trust myself to be alone and secondly as I can’t generally bring myself to get out of bed for around 2 hours after I wake up, its better for everyone if I get up, get dressed and just go.
I woke up this morning feeling pretty horrendous, I (to this day) have never had a sick day at work and so I refused to call in sick today as I only have a cold. I woke up sneezing, this is a regular occurrence in my life as I sleep with a fan next to my face, which probably spends the night blowing dust up my nose. Regardless, due to feeling a bit lethargic and because my mood is still fairly capricious at the best of times. I got to work only 37 minutes early. I was greeted on arrival by the usual congregation of staff standing around the till who looked at me like I was not only the worst person ever, but also like I just walked into to the middle of the latest bitch-fest, which I probably had. They wasted no time in telling me I did not look well and that it wasn’t the only one who was unwell! Oh no! One person had already gone home ill and another was well on their way to that! Oh, and we can’t forget that whilst certain other members of staff may not be ill in the figurative sense they are in a great deal of pain and they too deserve my greatest sympathy. Of course I was being told this to make sure I understood that I was not permitted to go home. (Not that I would have)
And so I went down stairs took my regular combination of caffeine and co-codamol and hoped for the best! Of course, as I have said the caffeine is really wearing out quickly and so over the 6 hour shift I have, I will take 6 pills, yes, I’m exceeding my daily recommended dose and yes its going to hit me hard when I come down. But in this situation, it was all I could do to make sure work actually got done.
I have made it clear to work, that the next 3 days (which I have off) will be days that I will not be entering the building to work. I need time off, that place is making me incredibly anxious and stressed nowadays. Of course, the fact I have exceeded my regular dose of caffeine pills by squashing 24 hours of pills into just 6 hours, makes me sure the next 3 days will be absolutely abhorrent.
So lying here in my essentially sedated state, struggling to breathe because my nose blocked I realise that once again I have put everyone else’s needs before my own.
The Elephant in the Room