The 6 Month Pact

Dear Reader,

In February I gave myself 6 months to change things. If things didn’t change my intention was to kill myself in august. As you can probably see it’s almost November which comes 9 months after February and I’m still here.

Fears, Anxiety and Dreams

Dear Reader,

I have managed to have a relatively dream free sleep in recent. Well, I don’t remember my dreams if I have them. Maybe that is for the best, as last night I had the weirdest dream I believe I have ever had. In fact, it will be added to my list of weird dreams.

Role reversal

Dear Reader,

Going from being looked after to looking after someone is an incredibly confusing thing to experience. In any close relationship (including friendship and family relationships) there inevitably becomes a time where roles reverse. Sometime this is brief, a few minutes or hours, sometimes this is for longer.

My Mushroom Cloud of Depression

Dear Reader,

I think I am effecting people negatively with my depression, well not exactly my depression more my self harm.

Guilt: Part 2 : Death 2

Dear Reader,

The nagging guilt in the back of my 11 year old head after the incredibly shocking death of the girl in my street never really settled.

Intrusive thoughts

Dear reader,

It’s come to my attention that my irrational thoughts are not as irrational as I once thought.Tonight I am struggling to sleep, I hate this. I am lying awake thinking about what it is that truly causes me anxiety.

One Lovely Blog Award

This Will All Blow Over In Time

Dear Reader,

Today is the day I visit the doctors after a month of terrible mood swings and self harm. I am not seeing my regular doctor as he is away for two weeks.

When does “Worse” Become “Worst”?

Trigger Warning: Self Harm

Dear Reader,

I wrote this last night, at the time I wasn’t embarrassed by this post. I wanted to post it right away. When it hit 3 am and I was still awake I thought back about what I had done and now I am completely embarrassed by my stupid actions and my stupid brain. I am visiting the doctor tomorrow. annoyingly they called to change my appointment today. I hate change. So here it is, one bad day.

Separation Anxiety

Dear Reader,

I have been thinking recently about my history of anxiety, and the more I think about it the more I remember about times during my childhood when I felt genuine panic.