How An Elephant Creates A Post.

Dear Reader,

I have been thinking for a while about writing this, because I think it can be interesting.

Not all of my thoughts make it into posts, I often go off on long monologue-esque rants in my head whilst creating a post, sometimes I write physical notes because ideas come to me at weird times, sometimes I record them through a dictaphone. What I want to share with you today is an example of that.

For all of you this will be the first time you hear my physically speak, please ignore the poor recording or my phone in the background.

This is not rehearsed, this is what my brain is like when I am left alone, this is the type of conversation I have with myself regularly. It probably isn’t normal.

I’m interested in not so much “podcasting” but putting more of my ideas out into the world via spoken word as well as written. Maybe turning certain posts here into audio pieces “Dear Listener…”

Id like to hear peoples opinions on this. Is there a point to it? Am I being silly? Would audio versions be useful, or even have a point? I realise my voice is quite boring, and I have a funny accent.

Anyway, Enjoy.

As Always,

The Elephant in the Room

17 thoughts on “How An Elephant Creates A Post.

  1. First of all, I’m amazed at your willingness to put yourself out there in this way. I think that takes a great deal of courage. Although I don’t have all of the same issues you do, I could certainly identify with that internal monologue; I’ve spent lots of time wondering why I do the things that undermine my physical and mental well-being, turning that question over, trying to clarifying it. The content of my monologues differs somewhat, but experience is the same. Second, your voice isn’t boring and your accent isn’t funny. I think the human voice has an amazing way of making people feel connected. And I don’t think this idea is silly. For me, the only relevant question is how you feel about doing it. If you this way of expressing helps you and you find it worthwhile, then absolutely give it a try. If you don’t like it or feel it’s not serving any purpose, you can always stop. But I felt I learned some things from listening to it. Take care.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you, I think sometimes our internal monologues get things across better than we can when we write, purely because there is no filter. I try not to filter when I write, but I think inevitable I do. Subconsciously. But with this I had no way of changing what i said. and I think it came across a lot more raw and maybe a little bit more honest. Thank you for listening.


  2. I think this is a good idea. I like your voice. It is different from what I imagined. I imagined you would speak faster than you do and I thought your voice would be higher-pitched. Oh well!

    It is interesting to hear someone talk about cutting. It is a behavior that I do not understand and have no interest in doing to myself. I actually hate the idea of harming my body or changing it. I do have tattoos and pierced ears but I came to those from a different direction. If I had a cancer that could be cut off, I would do that, but I would not be interesting in chemo, etc. I think cutting scares me. However, I have learned from reading your blog that it is only a part of who you are.

    Having a body is a challenge for our souls I guess.

    Back to you speaking. Speaking is very empowering. Karaoke is empowering! Because you have to use your voice and have it be heard by other people. Poetry readings are empowering. Talking to a therapist? Maybe it is empowering for some people. Not for me. Talking on the phone. Nope. Talking to co-workers? Nope. Talking to customers? Sometimes empowering.

    I think you are on to something here.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. This was very powerful and it really pulled at me. I think that if you were to carry on with this, especially after you overcome it (which I believe you will), that you could help so many others out there who endure the same suffering. You could help them through your experiences and words to know that they too can overcome; that they too can be “okay.”

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I kind of feel very similar to a lot of what you said.
    on judgment, similarly, I don’t mind if people judge how I look or what they think of me, if it’s just someone on the street. But I don’t want someone judging my mental health. It’s not so much that I think people think I want to be unhappy. It’s more that, at least my skewed perception, people seem to think that people with depression (or bipolar or…) are insane or scary…and cutting is especially taboo….the fear that people would think that person is sick or – and I don’t even know where they get this one, that if you can hurt yourself, you could hurt others….
    on wanting to be ok versus wanting to be happy. I am a bit in that boat. For me, peace of mind or just not being unhappy would be happiness to me. So I don’t crave elation or joy or whatnot, but that getting out of this, just not being unhappy would be happiness for me.
    and on cutting… I have heard two things from people, who don’t cut themselves, declaring to me that this is why I do this: a)attention and b) control. I think most people who cut themselves can tell others it’s not about attention. Why would we go to such lengths to hide it – we don’t want anyone knowing. I guess the control argument has enough validity, because that’s what so many psychiatrists and informational sources say. All I can say is, for me, that’s not the case. I hate those terms, attention and control, by now.
    For me, a couple things. I had found that there was something cathartic about it, physically and psychologically. I also found that maybe it calmed me down because, while cutting, I am focusing on that rather than other things. and then, I also felt it kept me from killing myself – do this little act, symbolic of a larger one, because your brain is telling you to do far worse, so you give in a little, and wade into the shallow end rather than jump into the deep end – and that satisfies that drive and you live another day.
    Shrinks have called it a coping mechanism, just a broken one, and the fact that it keeps you going one more day means it is an effective, just not preferred, coping mechanism. So I think their strategy is to get people to replace cutting with a more positive coping mechanism.
    At the end of the day, I loved this quote from the TV show House, in a scene where House cuts. They ask him why, and he spells it out, simply and pragmatically, something akin to, cutting releases endorphins, endorphins decrease pain.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you so much for listening, I also love that about House, I loved that show, I felt House understood me and it kept me watching!

      I agree that people see cutting as being for attention, its very sad that, that happens. I go out of my way to hide my scars. I don’t like it when people stare at them. So why would I be like that attention if it embarrasses me? Right?

      🙂 Thank you for your comment


  5. Very well said, and you got to the heartof the issue, “You don’t want to be like this” the very point that people don’t understand it’s not a lifestyle choice, but a terrible illness that takes you hostage.

    Self harm is out of my realm of experience but I’m learning fast, and cannot imagine creating more pain to stop pain, if that makes sense, however your self aware and fighting back through your writing here, which will I’m sure will help others.

    On a lighter note you don’t have a funny accent I’m a Brit also and understood you perfectly:)

    When you want to send me that post for the guest bloggers anytime will do as I will be posting up various pieces over the next day or so, I look forward to reading:)

    Liked by 3 people

  6. This is a fascinating and brave confession. And your voice is not boring at all. I know it sounds phony when people say, “I know how you feel,” so I won’t, but I can at least empathize to a degree about feeling judged by other people. And your closing remarks about just wanting to feel okay–and not necessarily happy–are both profound and wise. Thank you!

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Your voice and accent are lovely, and you are most articulate. There is nothing abnormal about your process, we all have those monologues and our brains are amazingly complex. This might just work for you as well as writing out your thoughts. Just keep communicating, you are so very not alone in your pain. Wishing you wellness.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. “Wanting to be okay is more important than wanting to be happy”… this is spot on because so many people say and believe they’re happy but under the surface they are not healthy… they are not okay.

    Your voice has a soothing quality to it… I think you should definitely do more spoken word posts =)

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I listened to your recording and I find that your thoughts come to you randomly just like mine do. LIke yesterday, while I was driving, I noted a lot of plane lines in the sky and thought of a post to write about. I usually write things down for later and most of them never bear fruit. I have considered the recording feature on my phone to get the thoughts at least out of there and never tried it. Too chicken, I guess. However, this resonated with me. This thing you did. Not so much the content of what you did but there were pertinent things in there that I felt applied to me. Especially the “I just want to be OK” part. I have always just wanted that. Never too extravagant or too below the line. Just….OK. If you are ok, then you have the control and power to make it whatever you want it to be. I have been there before with the cutting and depression and other things too. Not so deep as you or others but I know the feeling. Ever so slight as it may be. This brightened my day. Thank you. 🙂 (Yes, we can be ok….co existing in our OK cloud…..miles away from each other.)

    Liked by 1 person

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