Dear Reader,

“I’m stressed!” My Mother proclaims as she thrusts a doctor’s note in my face. Two weeks off for her to sit and nap in a chair and two weeks of hell for me where I become a prisoner in my own bedroom to escape the nagging.

I feel I have regressed. I’m not the most adult person in the world, but I felt I had most definitely left my teenage years behind.

I didn’t mind living at home now my parents work evenings. The evenings I spend at home are fine because I don’t have to deal with them. Sunday’s are a reminder of why I hate them being here in the evenings.

An example would be my dad drunkenly listening to music and miming conversations angrily at his screen. He won’t say who he is talking to. My mum will complain whenever I move. For example, when I eat a piece of chocolate she makes a comment about me being fat. Or if I sit downstairs with wet hair post shower, she will say “have you brushed your hair?” This one sentence is guaranteed to send me into absolute earth shattering anger. Even thinking of the way her snide little mouth twists into those words makes me want to hit something. I know she does it to piss me off. My mum is a very condescending person. I’m not sure she realises how patronising her tone is and is probably why people she work with dislike her so much. Especially the younger ones who are in superior roles. She talks to my friends in that tone too, and it’s embarrassing. Which is why I tend not to introduce her to my friends. She does it to my brother’s girlfriend and I’m sure that annoys him. But the hands down most annoying time she does this is when she is talking to my grandparents. It really makes me want to flip a table over.

So I have confined myself to my bedroom for the whole of those two weeks because I’d rather act like a 4 year old here then be treated like one downstairs.

Although. I believe she will most probably get another two weeks off, which seems her intention and my belief is this is nothing to do with my grandma anymore and everything to do with her disliking her new manager at work. Suck it up. Or get a new job

I never really understood my parents. They weren’t young when they had my brother and I but they made some odd choices. All the way through school my friends parents would push them to study and do well at school and my parents never really cared. And whilst this struck me as odd at the time I assumed it was because they both dropped out of school at 16 with no qualifications. If I can say anything about my parents, they are not hypocrites. Some of my friends had parents who also had no qualifications, but pushed them to study.

It’s interesting to note that I don’t see my parents not pushing me as a poor parenting choice if anything I think it was a good choice. As I got older and less bothered about studying I started to fail and that was my fault. I should have taken charge of my own learning and chose not to. By the time I failed my A levels I was embarrassed by myself and when I went back into education pushed myself to be top of the class and it worked, I followed this trend in university. What I found was a lot of people who were pushed to study as soon as their parents were no longer there to push them stopped. I am generalising and I’m sure my parents laid back approach would not have taught some people anything. But what once sounded to me like a poor parenting choice was definitely the right choice for me. It taught me to take charge of my own destiny. To not force myself to follow something I didn’t find interesting and pursue a career in anything I enjoy. And of course I took that lesson so seriously until I ran out of education and realised the only thing I wanted to do was write and that, writing is probably the most unstable low paying job I could ever push myself to do. But life is about passions right? It’s about pursuing dreams. So I force myself to write anonymously now due to fear of rejection or backlash. But also because it means I can be more open and honest than I could had I put my name to this.

I actually have a lot of respect for my parents who, whilst may not understand what they have instilled in my brother and me. Know the success is measured in happiness and not in wealth or fortune.

As Always,

The Elephant in the Room

10 thoughts on “Parents

  1. I know how you feel with family and living at home. When I used to live with my Mother she used to drive me crazy and I’m sure I just ended up regressing back to that every time I had to go back and stay with her. Now that I only see her twice a year things have been easier. Though, like you say, my Father has also instilled in me the idea that success is finding happiness instead of just wealth and a good job, and was incredibly supportive when I found I wasn’t as academic as I thought I was.
    As always, its a pleasure reading your blog, take care x

    Liked by 1 person

  2. It’s good you were able to turn this around by developing your own self-discipline. Writing anonymously is good because it means we can write about whatever we like, but you don’t need to fear rejection, you are already a good writer and should follow your passion. Good luck πŸ˜‰

    Liked by 1 person

  3. It’s so difficult dealing with parents when you are struggling, my Mum and Dad are starting to understand why the way I am after the assault that took place at University.

    I’m sorry to hear you’ve confined yourself to your bedroom but can understand why. There was a time last Autumn when I did exactly the same because I didn’t even want to be asked how I feel.

    Putting my name to my blog was a tough decision but I think a few locals knew it was me. I took the link off my Facebook because of some of the dark posts.

    Wishing you well in 2015 and I really hope your parents begin to understand more, there are support services out there for parents which might be of use.

    Please keep your chin up and try (as hard as it can be) to pursue what you are good at. Having read your articles you have a brilliant writing style and are extremely talented, don’t let it go to waste.

    All the best, Andrew.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Hats off to you in “breaking the cycle”. This is one of the most difficult things a person can do. While confining yourself to your room seems childish to you, to me it sounds like someone refusing to engage in the old “family dance” anymore, and thats ok! You are you and they are them, and thats ok too. im glad you dont allow your actions to be dependent on theirs. I admire your strength.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. You are a good writer! I cannot write even if my depend on it.. 😦

    Bejng a parent myself, I constantly worry about my childrens well being. I have to teach them because obviously I want them to do well, but just how much!

    My parents had high expectations, but no positive influence. Their belief was that ‘if you are smart enough, you will make it happen no matter what.’ I get 99%, I get a criticism for the lost 1%. I get 100% then it was supposed to be that way. If I had anything below 90%, I was just not good enough.
    I am anonymous here, but in my reality, I am a well respected photographer. I had exhibitions, my works made way into related magazines and featured in many. I have some celebs under my professional sleeve. I am not a big name, but a successful enough one. But to their eyes, I was a failure. The only respect I have for them is that none of my parents ever left our family, or gave up on it.
    I know what I hated, the only thing I can do now is to balance my relationship with my kids, and always reminding myself not to be one who discourages my own children.
    Good on you for encouraging yourself and standing up tall and straight on your own. x


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