I had intended to write a post today about being self-destructive, but in light of the day, I felt something more general would be better.
I want to start with a quote.
“I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy because they know what it’s like to feel absolutely worthless and they don’t want anyone else to feel like that.”
– Robin Williams
I started with this quote for a reason, you see. It hits the nail on the head for me. This is me, this is what I do, or maybe, what I want to do. I started this blog becuse I wanted people to know that they werent alone, I started writing in a very matter of fact way, I felt like facts were more important then their relationship to my mental health and I was wrong.
Soon I began writing more like ‘me’ I began adding humour in because I felt it made things even more relateable.
There was the time that I scared a trainee doctor half to death when I began crying hystericly, there was the time when I had a smear test and the nurse couldnt open my cervix, there was the time I had to wait two weeks to see my doctor because he’s more popular than justin bieber, the fact that I have to take viagra because my medication made me sexually dysfunctional (i’m a woman). You see all of these experiences, for me were so much easier to talk about when I looked back and laughed at them. And for me, humour is my coping mechaism, its my way, to show others not only how I feel but that its ok to not be ok.
As some of you may already know, ive had my “official” Bipolar diagnosis for around 3-4 months now and I still haven’t “came out” as it were to my parents or the majority of my family. Today I took a big step and posted something on facebook about my mental health, whilst I did hide it from my aunts and uncles, I didnt hid it from my cousins or friends. I did not explicitliy say what I suffer from, but just writing something about my mental health on there was very liberating.
Its been a struggle to get where I am today, sometimes I still don’t feel good. Last week I felt pretty crappy all week. I rated myself 4/5 (5 being the worst) everyday that week, I also have not been taking my medication properly for a few weeks which I know is really bad.. But i’m trying, today I sorted my medication out in one of those weekly pill boxes. I tidied my room a little, wrote this post and I plan on trying to watch the film Infinitely Polar Bear, As I have heard its a very good source of bipolar relatable-ness (not a word sorry)
I don’t ever want to stop blogging, the people that read this blog and interact with it make me feel so much better, I don’t feel as alone, I don’t feel stupid. I feel proud of the people ive met. So if you have found me to day, on World Mental Health Day and ive helped you realise that you arent alone, please stick around. I have so much more to say about mental health
So, heres to more blog posts, more mental health awareness, and more awkward situations that I can find humour in, to make me (and hopefully you.) feel better.
The Elephant in the Room