I’m Not Getting Any Better

I can’t believe I have to do this. But.

TRIGGER WARNING: Talk of suicide.

Dear Reader,

Jeez where do I begin, I guess I could start by saying I’ve had 3 of the last 6 weeks off of work, as holiday, see I hadn’t had any time off since march and I guess I thought I needed it. But I didn’t. I really, didn’t need it.

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Jealousy and Fear

Dear Reader,

I’m in a weird place again, I’m not happy, I’m not enjoying my life. I’m just moving forwards because it’s the only direction to go. Next week my counselling sessions with Mind will end and I am absolutely terrified.

Trigger Warning (Brief Suicide mention)

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Has It Been That Long?

Dear Reader,

Trigger Warning: Talk of Suicidal thoughts

Graphic Content Warning: Discussion of a sexual nature

So it looks like I gave myself a hiatus, and maybe that was a good thing because my brain is all over the place. I feel like I have been shot in the back of the head and I am scraping up pieces of my own brain and trying to cram them back in my skull. I know that’s graphic, slightly weird and maybe a bit confusing but I don’t know how else to explain it.

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Lifeline

Dear Reader,

You may have read previously about my problems at work, I didn’t go into specifics, but I made a mistake and someone got in trouble for it. I wasn’t supposed to know and couldn’t say anything out of fear of getting that person in further trouble for discussing it with me. Well. It all got a whole lot worse.

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Where Do I Begin

Dear Reader,

Trigger Warning: Self Harm

It’s been over a week since I last posted, and to be honest I’m not really sure why. I have been really struggling with my motivation recently. But I feel like that’s an excuse, and I don’t want to use excuses. Because the truth is that writing and knowing people want to read it, is really one of the only things I have in my life. Now that may sound a bit dramatic. But honestly. The only “constant” things I really have are this blog and work. Continue reading

I Was Ok!

Dear Reader,

This post has a Trigger Warning, mentions of Self-harm and Suicide.

I don’t know why I thought this time would be different, I guess deep down I am an optimist, no matter how negative I seem vocally. I don’t want to keep blaming Citalopram for this, but this only seems to happen when I increase or decrease this stupid medication. And I guess I don’t really know what to do. Continue reading