Lifeline

Dear Reader,

You may have read previously about my problems at work, I didn’t go into specifics, but I made a mistake and someone got in trouble for it. I wasn’t supposed to know and couldn’t say anything out of fear of getting that person in further trouble for discussing it with me. Well. It all got a whole lot worse.

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Unacceptable Behaviour

Dear Reader,

I have been dealing with something for the last week that I can only describe as unacceptable, it’s taken me a while to really comprehend the situation and its effect on me. But I have realised that what I have experienced is truly unacceptable.

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Doctor, Doctor, My Brain Hates Me.

Dear Reader,

On Thursday, I went to the doctors for the first time in what feels like forever. I really should have gone last week but as there were no available appointments I had to wait until one was available. Unfortunately as I opted to get an appointment on my day off, it also meant I wasn’t able to see my regular doctor, I had to see a doctor I had never heard of, so naturally I imagined it would be another trainee.

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Where Do I Begin

Dear Reader,

Trigger Warning: Self Harm

It’s been over a week since I last posted, and to be honest I’m not really sure why. I have been really struggling with my motivation recently. But I feel like that’s an excuse, and I don’t want to use excuses. Because the truth is that writing and knowing people want to read it, is really one of the only things I have in my life. Now that may sound a bit dramatic. But honestly. The only “constant” things I really have are this blog and work. Continue reading

Now What’s Wrong With Me?

Dear Reader,

So, I’ve been struggling to get this out. To be honest I’m still struggling now and I feel like I am talking nonsense. or I don’t know. But I read this post over at Walking After Midnight and it made me realise that sometimes It’s ok to just say something, even if you don’t really understand it.

I have had the weirdest 5 days. I have not been myself and whilst I feel its not the first time I have felt this way. It’s been strange for me because this time I have taken much more notice of my sudden behavioural change.  Continue reading

I Was Ok!

Dear Reader,

This post has a Trigger Warning, mentions of Self-harm and Suicide.

I don’t know why I thought this time would be different, I guess deep down I am an optimist, no matter how negative I seem vocally. I don’t want to keep blaming Citalopram for this, but this only seems to happen when I increase or decrease this stupid medication. And I guess I don’t really know what to do. Continue reading